I really thought I did …

… understand how much you needed me. How you laid awake during the darkest hours of the night dreaming of me. Every day you greeted the dawn, longing for the caress of my words. I foolishly believed that I comprehended to the fullest extent the depths of your desire. How you waited with bated breath for my thoughts to be poured into you, the thoughts that would give you meaning, that would give you life.

What I really want to say, my Dearest, my Brambleshire Farm Blog, is that I am very sorry for neglecting you. Things are going to be different from now on, I promise! From now until perpetuity, I will spend quality time with you. Nothing shall stand in the way of our love! (Disclaimer: Keith Harrison shall be not be now nor ever, be held liable for breaking the aforementioned promise under the following; included but not limited to … if I am busy, tired, hungry, spill Diet Coke on my keyboard, sleeping, un-clogging a toilet, shucking corn, Skybeam has yet ANOTHER Internet outage, fixing the fence, hiving bees, putting lotion on, clipping my nails, or if I am bitten by a vampire, zombie, or other undead denizens of the underworld.)

Note: For the full-context of my hypocrisy, read Wake, waking, and waken … errr … woken …

You really thought …

… we were going to start with chickens, didn’t you? Yes, I drilled that into you. Yes, I said we were working on chicken coop plans. And yes, I lied. What can I say? All the other cool third world farmers around me have chickens and I really wanted to fit in at this year’s Fort Lupton Spring-Thaw Hoedown (disclaimer: there is no official Fort Lupton Spring-Thaw Hoedown … I lied about that too.)

Actually, we decided to put off chickens for a little while, perhaps the fall. So we made the next logical step … honeybees, A.K.A honey bees, A.K.A. honey-bees, A.K.A. “the girls” (disclaimer: the males, A.K.A drones, A.K.A. lazy bastards don’t really contribute much to the hive and any real life correlations that the audience derives from this posting does not reflect the opinion of the author and in no way resembles real life … uhmm … copyright 2014 … postmortem … Reductio Ad Absurdum … etc.)

What’s that? The proof? How dare you! Yes, I know I have been unreliable in the past. Fine. Here:

Houzes for my ladies and such.

The girls are on order (never thought I would EVER type THAT on the Internet … what will the NSA think??) and should arrive near the end of April. How many girls (teehee) did I order? About 24,000 – 30,000. To quote the great Leonard Hofstedter “That’s right, you saw what you saw. That’s how we roll in the Shire!”

They really … almost did …

… die. The dogs that is. The other weekend, I was out chopping wood, cause, that is what I do and the dogs were running around like psychotic, inebriated leprechauns … on crack. As I am making a trip back to the wood pile I notice a large bird flying overhead, which isn’t unusual at all out here. At first, I thought I was our resident hawk, Pierce, lovingly named after Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce from the lovable and endearing TV series, M.A.S.H.. Get it? You see, the bird is a “hawk” and “Hawkeye’s” last name is “Pierce” … funny right? right? … never mind … I digress. After studying the alleged, and may I say, hilariously named hawk, I quickly came to the conclusion that it was not Pierce and point in fact, not a hawk all. It was a friggin’ Bald Eagle. Now, we see Bald Eagles quite a bit when driving through the county, but I have never before spotted one around the farm. So I watched said eagle for a moment, he circled, then dove down to a field to the north. Sweet! Eagle 1, Prairie Dogs 0. A few minutes later, the eagle, approaching low from the north (under radar apparently) rose sharply from behind the garage, WITH its mate!! They landed in the dead tree directly above the pups and me! Their wingspans were ridiculous, intimidating and majestic. I starting shouting, waving my arms and calling the dogs. After a few seconds (hours) of tachycardia and heart palpitations, the eagles dispersed, due, in no small part, to the aforementioned arm waving. No harm, no fowl. Oh yes, I did! Needless to say, the dogs almost died. Well they did!

Yes, not much of a summary for the last (missing) year. I will try to catch every one up over the next few weeks …. if I ever decide to post again, that is.